271
WRITINGS OF 5AM HOUSTON, 1838
The violence of the American character was one cause, and meas- ures were taken without my knowledge or consent. Every man feels himself more capable than the constitutional head of the Government to control it. This state of things has been brought about in part by the OP- position which has existed to Sa1n Houston, not the President. How matters may terminate, I do not pretend to divine. It is proper to anticipate the best, and be prepared for the worst. It has long been my intention to write to you, but really affairs are not in the most promising situation, tho many thought so. I trusted to my good Fortune that some one would give correct information to you in relation to myself, as I was aware that you had heard reports, touching my conduct and character, which were highly injurious to my reputation. Had nothing occurred, it was my intention to have visited you, and my friends in Ten- nessee next spring-but what disposition has to be made of me Heaven (in which I confide) alone can determine. I may in a short time assume in person the Command of the Army, and see what has to be done. So far as matters have gone, they have been ill-advised, and tho' I was here, Officers assumed all authority and continued it, until matters became too weighty for their shoulders, and now all is thrown upon me, with the consequent embarrassments. No man living can so well appreciate the difficulties which have beset me as yourself. But thank God they always arise from pure and ardent patriotism. The man who would save his coun- try must pass the ordeal of fire. My soul now burns, for matters were not worse previous to the day of San Jacinto. Yet they are not so regarded by others, and I hope my perspective is not a false one. I have for myself one only alternative. You can readily imagine what that must be. Should matters prove unfortunate there is no one whose just appreciation I prefer to your own, and you will do me the Justice to vindicate me to the world so far as I place the facts in your possession. You, General, have left monuments of Glory to your country, such as no man ever did before you. But you had an organized Government, and men who were accustomed to civil rule, while I had to command a Government from chaos, with men who had never been accustomed as a community, to any rule, but their passions, nor to any government, but their will. You had ex- perience with mature wisdom. I lacked experience and could not
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