728
AMERICAN HISTORICAL ASSOCIATION
I took upon myself the t.nsk of getting secure and valid titles for their land, and to furnish each emigrant with solid grounds on which to build the hopes of his family, and his humble "f01·est lwrne." .A.varice was as incompatible with such views as I trust it has ever been foreign to my heart. Had I fixed an unreasonable value upon my labors and been rigid in exaction, or been led away by thP mania :for speculation, none but the wealthy would have been bene- fi.tted. My still youthful imagination (I was but 28 years old) became enthusiastic. I had read of the withering march of the blood-hounds of war over the fairest portions of the old world spreading fire and famine and desolation and death in their course, and sweeping whole nations from existence-all to promote the happiness of mankind. I could not understand it, but I could un- clerstand how that happiness might be promoted by conquering a wilderness by the awe, the plough, and the hoe. .Thus I entered Texas. Is it surprising that, with such feelings- the "Silver ve-il," but half raised-I have too deeply suffered from the ingratitude of the few who returned me abusE! and curses for my hard and painful labors to build up their :fortunes? I did feel it. And there have been moments when I have been threatened with misanthropy.-moments only, for, like the withering blasts of the Sirrocco, they could not have been longer endured. It was but the weakness of human nature, and as such may be pardoned. I looked around :for some congenial minds to unburden my own. Judging by my exalted and unnatural standard I saw but selfishness, envy, jealousy, false pride disappointed vanity, and vindictive, furious revenge. It soured, disgusted, and sickened me. In this unhappy frame of mind I lost my good, and dearly beloved brother, my sister was settled for life in Missouri, as I thought, and I began to feel like an isolated, lone being. Reason and reflection had done much toward correcting this morbid and baneful excitement, and I began to look upon my fellow beings more as they deserved, though when pros- trated by sickness, with a fevered brain it still comes over.me, as you have perceived in some of my letters. . ' I had become convinced that I could not find happiness in a gen- eral and extended intercourse with the world, nor in popular favor, nor office, nor honors, nor wealth, were all these within my reach .And yet I was a social being. The life of a hermit is odious to me. I need a social circle-a few friends of congenial tastes the want of which left a void. That void is being· filled. :My sister's family, and Henry's, and .Archibald's, and you-my friend, you,- how shall I ever thank you for venturin()' into this wilderne&Y- how express the happiness of the ten da;s visit at Henry's-his family so lovely and blooming and cheerful, and his own tall ?gure and sea-beaten countenance smiling over them i Yes, we will be
Powered by FlippingBook