THE AUSTIN PAPERS 1053 So far ns I am to blame in agreeing to those measures I am ready to be censured-they grew out of the situation 0£ public feelings at the time-it would have been worse than useless for me to have opposed them-the only way I could have done it was to enter i.nto the thing in bad faith so as to defeat and counteract. Such a course I did not think was correct or honorable- on my arrival here I could have put the state question to sleep. If I had done so those who now blame me for an excess of zeal would have been vociferous on the opposite extreem. All those things are mere matters of course-in short it is mankind. The only substantial matter in this business that is worthy of consideration is that much substantial, good will 1·esult to Texas from my sufferings and I am content-- as to office or public employ you know tha.t I have always been averse to it-I am more so now than ever- I am no office hunter nor no demagogue seeking popularity- I have tryed in good faith to do all the good I could to everybody-as to enemies and· friends- the common acceptation of those words amongst mankind in general conveys to the mind the same idea of change, that the word clouds, does- not so with true personal friends- of these I shall never -want. Such men for example as T. F. :McKinney. These are the only kind of friends I wish for. I have no idea when I shall be at liberty. I think that all depends on the report of Almonte i who has been sent to Texas and I presume is now ther~ or on his way back. It is much in my favor that.all remains quiet in Texas I was confident that no friend of mine would try to get up an excitement but I feared that my enemies would. Such a thing would have increased my difficulty, for I would have been blamed for it all. My confinement has been very rigid but I am in good health and have borne it with tolerable patience. I hacl no books the first month, ·and it was solitary enough-after that I prevailed on the.sergeant to go to D. Victor Blanco who sent them-he and Padre :Muldoon have been firm and unwavering in their friendship to me in all this business, so has Ramon :Musquis and many others in Bexar who have written here in my favor I have never complained of the Vice President Farias-he has been deceived-he has been madelo believe, as I am told, that my object was to separate Texas from Mexico and deliver it to the United States of the north, which is absolutely false and without the shadow ?f _foundation besides being a great absurdity. In a moment of irritation I said to the vice President that if the evils of Texas were not remecliea. the public there would remedy them of them- selves- this irritated him very much and my difficulties com- '!!'or Almonte's mission to Texas, see Barker, TIUJ I.Afe of Stephen F. At"1tin, 462-t66.
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